Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
