ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
