Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
