Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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