The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
