Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
