I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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