The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
