I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
