How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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