5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
