I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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