I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
