Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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