you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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