Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
