I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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