birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
