he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize