i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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