There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
