guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
