Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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