anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
