hell yes lets make some ravioli
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
