Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
