I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
