its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
