I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
