i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
he quoted the bible to break up with me
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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