how can u be prego again
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
