Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
