You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
