When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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