And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize