I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
