Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i drank out of a bidet.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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