Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
