More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
