The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
