omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
