guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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