No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
