We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
