Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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