dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize