Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
