she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
