We won't sleep together?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
