idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
