tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
