i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
