Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
