I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
