At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
