Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
