I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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