Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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