The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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