piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
