didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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