I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
