I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
