mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
