Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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