Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
