Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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