Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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